The Mango Test

It's really hard to know how you are doing as a mum of little kids. If you have high standards (read: issues with perfectionism), you can end most days feeling defeated and inadequate. You can focus on what was left undone in your day and the small annoyances to do with managing the kids and trying to keep some semblence of order in the house; let alone serving up a dinner which had a few ingredients missing because there wasn't enough room in the pram to fit in everything on the shopping list and the 1 year old was twisting out of his straps and grabbing random groceries from shelves...

Anyway, I go through regular bouts of feeling like I'm not doing a great job at parenting. It's partly a personality thing (I often felt this way when I was a teacher), and partly because of the lack of tangible feedback - I won't really know if my efforts have paid off til my kids are grown up, in about 15 years time. (Maybe more if it's true that parenting is never finished, but let's keep it managable, shall we?)

the remaining fruit

But tonight, I stumbled upon a 'performance indicator' that lifted my spirits after a trying day at home. I'm calling it the Mango Test. As you know, it's the beginning of mango season and the yummy fruit is still quite pricey, so we just get 2 at a time, if they're on special. When I was a kid myself, my mum would always let us kids eat the fleshy 'cheeks' of the mango while she would suck on the 'seed' bit which is stringy and has barely any flesh.

This evening I promised my 3 year old that he could have some mango if he sat on the toilet (yep, that exciting stage!). He got his mango cheeks, and after doing the dishes, I sucked on the seed, mostly just to clear the kitchen bench. That's when I had my flashback to what my mum used to do. I had always assumed that she preferred the seed to the cheeks, but now I know that it's just what mums instinctively do - give the best parts to their kids. It's a small success, but I'm hanging on to it - we all need something to keep us going each day, hey?

So, hopefully you can figure out your own 'mango test' which will help you realise that you may be doing a better job than you think, at whatever it is you're facing today.

Smelling the mangoes,
helen xox

Of Mice and Man

Tonight we successfully evicted our unwelcome guest. There had been numerous sightings but neither Dan nor myself knew what to do about the small brown mouse which had taken up residence in our living room, under or possibly inside the (enclosed) coffee table. He had grown audacious in recent days, coming out while we were watching TV as if he owned the place, darting across the floorboards... something really had to be done to stop him. 

Beatrix Potter had it all wrong

So, when he poked his whiskered head out from under the coffee table this evening I turned to Dan and gave him a meaningful look which said 'Deal with it!' 

I should say that my husband is an arachnophobe, so we have an arrangement in our house where I deal with spiders and he deals with all other unwanted intruders. Suits me fine.

Anyway, the mouse made the mistake of scampering into the toy basket, where he got trapped in a tangle of soft toys, books and colourful rattles. Dan put the lid on and dumped the basket out the backdoor, then proceeded to take out the toys one by one, muttering to himself 'I'm not scared of it; I may jump if it jumps out onto me, but I'm not scared of it!' 

'That's fine Dan', I think to myself, crouched up on the lounge, 'That makes one of us'.

Eventually our furry friend realised the game was up and scampered off into the dark night. I'm hoping he's found a better home down the road and praying that he didn't have offspring. Fortunately, the pest man is coming tomorrow to make sure of it.

Crisp autumn skies and brilliant sunsets,

helen xox

Netsuke and story-telling

I just finished reading 'The Hare with Amber Eyes' by Edmund de Waal, for bookgroup. To be honest, I initially found it a bit slow-going and difficult to connect with. But thankfully, talking about it with the group helped me appreciate de Waal's story and style.

the book and a netsuke

Basically it's the memoir of a Viennese Jewish family, spanning 3 generations up to the present day. The author is a minimalist ceramicist, and his writing style is accordingly spare and in my opinion, detatched. De Waal began researching the book after he inherirted a collection of 264 Japanese 'netsuke' - tiny carvings made from ivory and wood. The story of the netsuke starts in 19th century Paris, with the Ephrussi empire and traces their journey to Vienna around the time of Hitler and WWII. For me, the most interesting section was the one which described the family's escape, after the Nazis took over their 'Palais' on the Ringstrasse, along with it's extensive collection of art and furniture. The servant Anna, managed to save the netsuke by hiding a few in her apron pocket each time she cleaned the room and transferring them  to her mattress. After the war she was able to return them to the family - the sole remnant from generations of accumulated treasures.

'Each one of these netsuke for Anna is a resistance to the sapping of memory. Each one carried out is a resistance against the news, a story recalled, a future held on to. Here the Viennese cult of Gemutlichkeit - the easy tears over sentimental stories, the wrapping of everything in pastry and cream, the melancholy falling away from happiness, those candied pictures of servant girls and their beaux - meets a place of adamantine hardness.'

This quote captures much of what makes 'The Hare with Amber Eyes' more than just a 'sepia saga' about an incredibly wealthy Jewish family in occupied Vienna. De Waal has done a great job of making us feel as though we are on the journey with him to find the 'real' story of the netsuke and his family. Each word is carefully chosen and places are described with an artists' eye. Moreover, he helps us to understand the significance of objects in creating one's story; a sense of self to pass on to future generations.

Although I didn't love this book, I appreciated the writing and the author's integrity in telling his family history with such honesty and beauty. It definitely made me want to go visit Paris, Vienna, Tokyo and London, and experience their art and architecture. It also made me realise that some things are more than 'just things' - some things have great value because of the story behind them and the consequent feelings they evoke. Let me know what you thought if you read it!

Bookworming my way through the cold snap,
helen xox

40 Days of Gratitude

Autumn came with a bang this year in Melbourne, with torrential rain, falling temperatures and miserable grey skies. 

I’ve felt my mood drop with the mercury and find myself feeling restless, jaded and discontent - not a great combo and not helped by recent sickness (just colds) in the family. Anyway, health-wise we’re all on the mend but I’m wondering how I will cope with the long Winter ahead. I’m one of the many people who hate the cold and get down in the Winter months. If only Melbourne could be transported north to Sydney’s latitude, I for one would be much happier! (Never mind that Sydney would have to move to Brisbane, Bris to PNG etc etc…)

So, I’ve been encouraged to start a ‘gratitude journal’ - taking time each day to reflect on what I’m thankful for each day. I do believe it’s a great antidote to feeling down in the doldrums and wallowing in the less than perfect aspects of life. Maybe it can be my ‘Lent’ project - 40 days of Gratitude.

gratitude in a box!

OK, Day 1: Thankful for my family - wonderful husband, 2 beautiful boys. Even though they all have their challenging moments, I am incredibly blessed to have these people in my life - to love and be loved by, hopefully without conditions. 

Hope you are finding things to be thankful for each day. 

Digging out my hats, scarves and ugg boots,

helen xox

Mar 6, 2012

Febfast over and out

Well, it’s the last day of February so as of tomorrow my personal Febfast is over. The challenge I set myself was to not spend money on unecessary items for a month. I must admit I didn’t do so great.  A low point was going to the beach and getting a parking ticket on Feb 1. A highlight was resisting buying the Jan/Feb Frankie magazine, then finding it at the library - SCORE! The rest of the days were somewhere in between.

Overall I did spend less on stuff for myself, though I made up for it in buying presents for other people. At many points I was disappointed in my lack of self-control; I think I’m a mild shopoholic and very good at rationalising purchases (‘It’s on sale so I’m actually saving money!’)…Also I learnt that spending money can be a way to alleviate boredom and give yourself a ‘lift’. Need to work harder at finding free ways to get the same outcomes. (‘Exercise’ springs to mind, but I’m doing my best to ignore it!)

My very full shelves

I think my challenge would’ve been more effective had there been a consequence for unnecessary spending. And I needed to think a bit more about what constitutes ‘necessary’ - too easy to bend the rules as I went along. I’ve decided to give an equivalent amount to a worthwhile cause - and to keep monitoring my spending. So, no splurge in March then. But who knows, maybe I’ll take up mud-wrestling.;p

A quote from Cam Semmens:

‘Don’t fill your shelves with stuff from ads, Fill yourself with stuff that adds’.

Trade winds of change,

helen xox

Feb 29, 2012

Love, Tears and Bookgroup

Ah, Valentine’s Day - source of so much envy and discontent around the globe! Today I’m reflecting on all the people in my life whom I love - hubbie, my boys, friends & extended family - and feeling blessed rather then ripped off cos I didn’t get a dozen long-stemmed roses and Koko Black chocolates (there’s still time tho, Dan!). 

Also, it’s an opportunity for me to revisit one of my neglected loves - poetry. Radio National has run a feature on ‘Love Poetry’, featuring the favourite love poems of various public figures: Kate Cebrano, Peter Singer, Mem Fox etc. Have a listen: www.abc.net.au/radionational/features/lovepoetry/. 

I think my personal favourite has to be Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130 ‘My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun’, which I first read in Year 10 English class. I always wonder who that woman was and whether she was impressed at being immortalised in such a way, warts and all.

Bookgroup is this Saturday. We’re discussing Cecily Paterson’s book ‘Love, Tears and Autism’ which is her story of coming to terms with having a son with ASD and her quest to help him and truly love him. Loved it and looking forward to hearing what the others thought.

Love is in the air, hope you catch a whiff,

helen xox

 Feb 2012

The Power of a Well Timed Word

I received two pieces of encouragement today. The first was from a mum who has teenage kids who acknowledged what a tough job it is to be at home full-time with very young kids, raising the next generation (well, part of it!). I was really touched. It was surprisingly affirming to hear out loud that what I fill my days with is incredibly important work, despite the mundanity of many of the tasks and the lack of financial reward!

He's thinking before speaking!

The second word was via Facebook, that time-gobbling beast that I’m not sure if I love or hate. It was from an acquaintance who simply stated that she enjoyed my posts. This too was appreciated because I sometimes feel like I’m sending out messages into the ether when using FB. It’s really a lucky dip as to who reads you and who responds.

I must confess that I feel envious of the people with a million ‘friends’ who have thought-provoking discussions about theology and pop culture. But I remind myself that different people use FB for different reasons, and my main reason to use it is to feel connected to my friends and kindof like a public diary I guess.

Anyway, the point is that I was really encouraged by two people taking the time to speak (or type) a word of affirmation to me today. Words are powerful - how will you use yours?

Cloudy skies clearing,

helen xox  

Feb 2012

February Challenge

Free figs from my kind neighbour

I’m setting myself a challenge for the month of February. The challenge is to not spend money on unnecessary items. Well, I need to start tomorrow as I had eggs benedict in a cafe today and it was completely unnecessary! 

So, what has prompted this? A few things: feeling remorse after spending too much over Christmas/New Year, being sick of saying I hate our materialistic consumer culture while being all too much part of it, looking at our diminishing bank account and sheer curiosity. 

‘But what defines necessity?’ I hear you ask. Well, I’m not going to be too hard-core (eg. no petrol for car because I could catch a bus). But I do want to challenge myself not to buy quick fix snacks while out, let alone more stuff for myself or the house, just cos it’s nice/ on sale/ someone else has it. I’m debating whether a haircut is allowed given I haven’t had one in almost 3 months… 

If nothing else, it’ll make me think before I spend, which can’t be bad. I got the idea from an article in ‘Frankie’; the author accomplished it with only a few slip ups as I recall.

Will let you know how it goes. Anyone want to join me?

Refreshingly brisk breezes after a summer heatwave,

helen xox

Feb 2012

Thoughts on a New Year

Dear Reader,

Micah on Christmas Day

No doubt you’ve been waiting expectantly for my next post (let’s just say it’s been a while), but I have had a second baby in the meanwhile. 

Anyway, new years are always a great time to stop and take stock, so what better time to resurrect a blog? We’ve just returned from 3 weeks in my hometown Sydney. It was a great time of catching up with family and friends, and the boys really enjoyed spending time with their cousins and grandparents. I had been rather anxious in the lead up to the trip - combo of Christmas craziness and worried that the boys wouldn’t cope so well with the 10 hour car trip and sleeping in 4 different places. But all in all they did pretty well and so did I! 

Nate playing with cousin Imogen

Before the trip, I adjusted my phone so that I could check facebook on it. This was handy, however I found that I became one of those people who was constantly checking, updating and posting photos. Kind of ironic given my love-hate relationship with FB and given that my closest friends are not actually on FB! Ah well, will try to find a happy medium now that I’m back at home.

While in Sydney, we were asked about 50 times if we had any plans to return. The answer is “No plans to move anywhere for now”. Melbourne definitely feels like home now -  after all we’ve been here for 6 years. We have been blessed with a great house, family, neighbourhood and church community, plus Dan loves his job, which is a rare thing. So, we’re here for as long as God can use us here. 

Resolutions for the New Year? Not so much, but I am looking forward to being the best person, wife and mum I can be, by God’s grace. Also, I want to find a hobby. Latest idea has been painting, something outside my comfort zone. How about you?

Unseasonably chilly but sunny days ahead,

helen xox
Jan 2012

Thoughts on SE Asia Trip

Having been back from our trip to South East Asia for 3 weeks now, I think I’d better get some thoughts down before I forget it all! It’s been nice getting photos printed and sharing (inflicting?) them with/on friends - kind of softens the shock of being back to the hum drum existence of everyday life in a cold Melbourne winter.

Ok, country by country, random thoughts:

1. SINGAPORE

Singapore Zoo

* Very clean and efficient, as you would imagine. Dan especially loved the way every car has an ‘e-tag’ so you don’t have to collect tickets at parking stations etc - you just get billed! Public transport was very convenient and cheap. Nobody drives a bomb - cars need to be under 10 years old.

* Consumer Culture. Like Australia, but even more so, possibly because there’s not a lot to do besides shopping, so it’s  a national pastime. My understanding is that’s it’s not uncommon to shop for a whole new wardrobe every season, plus Singaporeans are constantly upgrading their cars, gadgets, furnishings etc. A LOT of money is spent on clothes, hair, makeup, grooming and this is not just for the girls! Advertising covers every inch of wall space, even elevator doors…  It was a bit overwhelming, and I found myself feeling a quite dowdy and BIG. The average woman here must be a size 6, so it’s not hard for any aussie to not feel like an oversized monster, even an ABC like me! On the positive for me though, my shoe size (36) was often the one on display, which was handy in busy stores!

* Very hard for women who want to be stay at home mums - it’s not part of the culture, so workplaces are not very accommodating. Singapore doesn’t have a welfare system like ours, and 2 incomes are needed to maintain what is deemed by most as an adequate standard of living. Those that choose to stay at home forgo income and status and can feel quite isolated.

* Pressure on school kids. Students must sit extensive exams, from very early on (try grade 1)! There is a lot of pressure on kids to do well, to get into a good highschool, uni, career etc and not let their parents down. I felt sad when I went into the kids section of a big bookstore and found it full of ‘excel’ type swotting books, rather than picture books and  literature.

* Food - excellent and pretty cheap, but not as good as Malaysia!

Chilli Crab - too yummy!

2. MALAYSIA

* Food. It’s all about the food. You could say that food is the unofficial religion of Malaysia. Tropical fruit, chicken rice, roti, pandanus(?), banana leaf, various buns, dumplings and dim sum, ice cendol, not to mention chilly and black pepper CRAB. All extremely tasty and very affordable. It seems that malysians eat about 5 times a day and the foodstalls are always open and full.

* Melting Pot. Very multicultural - main ethnic groups being Malay, Chinese and Indian. By and large everyone seems to get on very well, although there is positive discrimination policy exercised by the (Malay) government which must rankle for the other ethnic groups.

* Themed Shopping Malls. We were staying with friends in Petaling Jaya. The nearest mall was one called Sunway Pyramid, which had an Ancient Egyptian theme, complete with giant Sphinx, pyramids and theme park! The inside was decorated with hieroglyphics and the like - it was like something out of Vegas!

Lanterns in Malacca

* Church. From what we could gather, pentecostal style churches are very popular, with rock concert like music and preachers who give ‘you can do it!’ type sermons. There are also very conservative churches , but not a lot of vibrant evangelical churches. Lots more I could say, but won’t in this context.

* Hospitality. We were shown amazing hospitality in all 3 countries - Singapore, Malaysia and Brunei. Our hosts took annual leave to show us around, wouldn’t let us pay for anything and saw to it that we had everything we could possibly want and more. Made us realise that we Aussies are not so great at being hospitable, and our ‘make yourself at home’ attitude must be a bit of a shock for our asian visitors.

Ok, no time or space to comment on Brunei, which for us was the most ‘different’ country of all. Will try and cover it next time.

Morning frost and hints of cherry blossom,
helen xox
Sept 2011

New Blog!

Having told a few people that I’m thinking of starting a blog, here I am actually writing my first post! Wow, there should be some free giveaway for the first 20 readers… Well, maybe that’ll come on my first anniversary!

My son Nate, turns 1 this Friday. I’m planning his birthday party and trying not to go overboard. Conversations in our house lately have gone along the lines of:

Nate's First Birthday

Helen - Hey, I’m thinking about a ‘red,white and blue’ theme for Nate’s party, what do you think?

Dan - Theme?! Why does he need a theme? He’s turning ONE!!!

Helen - OK, I’ll try and keep it simple then. How many people should we invite? I’ve got an initial list of 40 adults and 15 kids, but I’m sure not everyone will be able to make it…

So, we’ll see how it all pans out on Saturday. As it turns out, we’re expecting about 30 adults and 10 kids, so it’ll be cosy in our unit, but manageable I reckon.

Anyway, when I was pregnant with Nate, Dan came across this poem at a bus stop. It’s a poem I so wish I had written. Dan took a photo of the poem, but the author’s name got cut off, so I can’t even acknowledge her. But I love this poem, and wanted to share it on my first post:

My Son Turned One

I once knew him
like a favourite book read in braille
every bulge and every lump
protruding from me.
He slept in the dark well
of my pot bellied stove
cooked and swelled
like sourdough on the rise
Lightly floured in lanugo
soft and pliant rotating nightly
sprouting limbs and baking a crust
tough enough to endure the outside world.
My son turned one
and now
the baby has gone
replaced by the lumbering boy.

I just love the nostalgic feeling of this poem. The poet has captured the wonder of carrying a child and the feeling that her baby is turning into a boy all too quickly. I love the imagery of the baby baking in her belly and being prepared for the outside world. It’s very intimate.

If anyone can find the author of the poem, please do let me know.

Bitterly cold winds, Helen xox 
July 2010

News Just In - Lincoln Donaldson (of Waitara?) wins the lucky door prize by being the first to find the author of the poem. It’s Fee Sievers. She’s part of the ‘moving galleries’ project on Melbourne’s transport system, for more, check out http://movinggalleries.org/rooku/archive_details/my_son_turned_one